And lo! The leader of those men of the North, the mighty warriors who defeated the foe at Cattraeth, held aloft his mighty sword and cried "This is my blade, the bane of the Gododdin, renter of the Danes, whose edge shall never dull, whose hilt shall never fail, and whose shall hence forth be known as the king's right arm. I name him Fred!" And his warriors were thusly smacked upon the gob and thought him to be removing the name of St. Michael and cried "My lord, yer wot?" And the king did say, "What's wrong with Fred? T'is a good solid name. Mine uncle's name actually
Then stepped forward the bard and pleaded unto him "If it please my lord, why not Dane Slayer or Saxonreaver or something."
"Oh, Cometh on," the king replied "may as well go the whole hog and call it Goblinsbane! I like
Fred, it's no-nonsense. A name you can trust."
Here a warrior, Richard brother to the King, did arise and say "What about Angle Grinder!" And the host was filled with joy, did beat upon their thighs and the hall rang with laughter.
But the king was not amused, saying "Oh, very clever, Dick." And that was the first time that saying was ever used.
Again the bard did plead the King, "What about Sting?"
"Ooh" said the King, "Did you come up with that all by yourself? Tell you what, how about Narsil or Anduril, or even Tolkienestatepleasesueus. Puh-lease! I am a warrior king, not a player of some living action role."
And here did the Queen arise and say "Alright, smart Alec" (for this was the king's name) "Why Fred?"
"In honour of my forefathers, Harry, Comber of the Sea, Spike the great and glorious Milligoon, the merchant adventurer Peter the Seller, but most of all in honour of my hero who died this year, Eric of the Sykes, I do name my sword, Fred Nurk. And the author of this post has far too much time on his hands on a Sunday morning or is avoiding doing some other, more pressing work."
And here endeth the lay of Fred Nurk.